After the First Week in Seminary

I had started noticing this past weekend that my enthusiasm at being here at the seminary was waning a bit. That bothered me. I was afraid that the dream was already fading. Today as we toured the chapel, our leader, Pr. Jordon noticed that something wasn’t quite right so we had a little chat.

I think a lot has to do with having to give or throw away so many things that had strong memories attached. And squeezing what is left into this little room is no picnic either. But it’s mostly the loss of the tangible remnants of memories that troubles me.

I’m also very sad to leave my home church. I arrived there, just under five years ago, a scared little girl. In the South I had been less-than-human, but at LCN I found acceptance, love, and even appreciation. I grew to be human. My faith life blossomed as never before. And I found joy in serving my God, my church, and my community that I had never believed possible. And the time came that I had to leave to further the work that the congregation at LCN had begun.

I am also, despite what many friends would tell you, an introvert. I need alone time to crash so that I can refresh. I have had almost no "me" time in the last week and a half.

And so I came here to Philadelphia, which is great, but I have no church to serve. I attended a nice little church yesterday, but it was so strange to be sitting there with nothing to do in the service. Just a week before I had preached at my home church.

And not having a church is also pretty scary, because my being here is predicated on my being assigned a church in which to serve for the next three years. And that church would be paying for most of my education. Without a church, I cannot afford to be here.

So all this adds up to a bit of a depressing situation.

But Pr. Jordon did say that no matter what, I will be here. That helps me feel better.