My Hair

I didn't write about it at the time, but two weeks ago I washed my curly blonde wig (it was overdue) and couldn't get it to come back. So I did some searching and found a salon just a couple blocks from my church and easy to get to.

When I went in, I gave the woman the opportunity to not deal with a transgender. She was happy to deal with me. It turns out that they even have a private room in the basement for wig customers who don't want to be seen without one.

A Few Quick Thoughts For Today

For 55 years I tried to live the way others wanted me to and for most of my adult life I was on anti-depressants. Less than six months ago, I was literally within hours of ending my life. Now there are days that I am so frigging happy that it’s scary. Can this be that same girl?

I have been asked to do a presentation at my church for the Adult Forum (sort a free-form Sunday school). The TG 101 part is not hard because I’ve done that part before for other groups. The second part of the talk is supposed to be about how my gender journey and faith journey are inextricably intertwined. In my mind I knew they were but as I tried to write it down and make it coherent, I found it very difficult.

Suddenly today (Easter Sunday) God hit me over the head with a 2x4 (again). For me, it’s not a gender journey. I am simply becoming the woman God made me to be. My faith journey is simply unleashing what it is that I have always been.

Ears and Shit

“Let him who has ears hear.” It is obvious to me from the occurrences over the last two years that God doesn’t give us our “ears” all at once. Things that are in the Bible simply do not make sense or sink into our consciousness all at once.

The United Church of Christ (UCC) has a motto, “God still speaking.” But I swear that not only is He still speaking, but He is still writing the Bible. Verses and stories that are there today were not there a year ago. Why do I seem to be the only one who notices this?

February 6, 2010

Debbie wrote:
> Almost all people look at GI (gender identity) and SO (sexual orientation) as being the same.

So who is going to educate them? We sure can't count on the government for that. And, sadly, we can't count on the gay community either. As Barney Frank stated, "More education is needed." Did women wait for some open-minded men to educate other men that women were worthy of participating in society? Did blacks wait for open-minded whites? Those of us who are out have to do this, even if it means giving up our desire to go stealth.

February 5, 2010

I am transsexual (which is part of "transgender"). Whether you want to say I identify as TS is probably a matter of semantics. What I am does not define who I am. Personally, I identify as a woman; I present as a woman, I work as a woman, I make friends as a woman.

When Being Ignored is Good

As I walk around my office, I am being ignored. Some people may think being ignored is not good. But for a t-girl who just wants to be "normal," or to "blend in," this is the perfect situation.

Here I am just another woman at work. I walk on and off teh elevator just like any other. I use the bathroom like any other (no, there is no dreadead bathroom issue here). I get coffee like any other.

How fabulous to be ignored!

January 16, 2010

I went to the First Event conference yesterday and will be leaving shortly to attend today. It is incredible to be amongst over 600 t-girls and a few t-guys. And what a range of people, from the conservative "blend-ins" to the outrageous to the "truck drivers in dresses."

December 10, 2009

I'm coming up on my 5th anniversary of my transition. It has been interesting coming here though. In Charlotte I worked for myself at home. Even though I only wore womens clothes and interacted with people as a woman, somehow going to an office every day and being fully accepted as me, without any mention of my past, was almost like transitioning all over again.

I have also been going to the Tiffany Club and, by contrast, think I am beginning to understand the "transsexual-leaving-the-GLBT-community-behind" phenomenon.

January 13, 2008

God can be pretty darn aggravating at times. I’ve been through some rough times lately and wondered how to make a life for myself now that most of the constraints are gone. Through it all I’ve wondered where the line is between “God helps those who help themselves” and “Lay your cares on the Lord.”

The guy who owed me a bunch of money kind of shafted me, but then came around with a short term fix that at least got the weight off my shoulders for a little while. Then he shocked me by offering me a sales job.

I have never considered myself a salesperson. When I was in college I tried selling encyclopedias. When a shotgun got shoved into my nose, I decided that was not the career for me.

After a life in a technical field, I was making a little (too little) money in a related area, which is how I got into this situation. Well, okay, there were some other contributing factors.

It seemed that this guy was going out of his way to make this work for me, offering incentives I don’t think he would offer another candidate.

Meanwhile, I had talked to a few friends, all of whom thought it was a good chance for me. Pamela had to offer up one of her recent catch phrases, “If you want what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done.”

After doing some investigating, I was sort of leaning towards trying this, but still had some reservations.

A few days ago, I was led into a Biblical reference (Luke 5:1-11) in which Peter and his partners had been out fishing all night without catching a thing. They were tired and beaten down. Jesus told them to do something they hadn’t done. They did, and received something they hadn’t gotten – more fish than they could handle. This has been popping into my mind for the last few days.

So, I’ve been asking God for some kind of confirmation, despite what my friends have been saying.

This morning, I was also reminded of another story. It had been raining hard and an area was being evacuated ahead of an impending flood. A devout believer decided to put his trust in God, so when the truck came by, he sent it on its way. Later, after he had retreated to the upper deck, a helicopter came by and he waved it off saying that he trusted in God. Finally, as he was sitting atop his house, a boat came by. Again, he professed his faith in God and sent it away. As he prayed to God for help, the voice came down, “What do you want? I sent you a truck, helicopter, and boat.”

So, finally I am reminded of Peter when he was led by Jesus to step from the boat and walk on the water. (Matthew 14:25-33) “’You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’”

Sometimes a blind leap of faith is what is needed.

God sure can be aggravating some times.

November 30, 2008

Well, once again my hopes have been dashed. A guy had written me from my Yahoo Personals ad. He told me of his open-mindedness and his adventurous spirit. He even had set up a date. But once I told him of my situation, he took back his offer with "I cannot date a transsexual." I fear that I shall never find love again.

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