Nancy Wichmann

It has been a dream for a long time to square dance. A couple of months ago I did a search and found two groups in the area. Yes, square dancing in Boston! I contacted both groups, one of which is a gay square dancing group. The other group is a club that meets at MIT -- yes, the prestigious university.

Tonight was the first class at MIT. It was great fun, even though I can't say that I got everything quite right. In one hour, we covered 20 moves. Some were relatively simple, and some were pretty complicated (at least to me).

After a brief discussion on Judgment Day in church this morning, I thought I would write down my understanding of what that will be like.

The scene opens with God sitting on His throne and Jesus by His side. As I approach the throne, Jesus, knowing that I have accepted His sacrifice for me, comes down and stands between God and me. When God looks up, He says, "I see no sin in this person." Jesus has blocked God's view of me so that the Lord sees only Jesus.

Okay, great, at least my acceptance of Jesus has gotten me over the first hurdle.

It is just about two years exactly (I think less a week) since I moved to Charlotte. I was in that apartment about 16 months. I never put up any pictures (I did put up a mirror), never hooked up my stereo. Basically I did no decorating to speak of.

Over a year ago I was involved in a protest, which brought on further protests from some far-right religious groups. One group was on our right, speaking with a megaphone while thumping on their Bible. Another group was across the street on the left singing hymns and doing a little preaching until the police told them their loud speakers broke the city noise ordinance.

I finally got to hear it from a GG today. At church I frequently get compliments on my clothes. Today I wore a new suit and a GG woman told me that I have good fashion taste, and another agreed. I have been wanting to hear that for a long time.

Probably the most difficult question I ever get asked is, "What's it like being transgender?" I guess that's about like me asking, "What's it like not being transgender?" So let me try to not answer the question.

Suppose, like Kermit the Frog, you were born green ("It's Not Easy Being Green"). And suppose all your life everyone around you, especially those you look up to (like parents or teachers) tell you that how you feel, that is green, is wrong. You have to feel pink.

I didn't write about it at the time, but two weeks ago I washed my curly blonde wig (it was overdue) and couldn't get it to come back. So I did some searching and found a salon just a couple blocks from my church and easy to get to.

When I went in, I gave the woman the opportunity to not deal with a transgender. She was happy to deal with me. It turns out that they even have a private room in the basement for wig customers who don't want to be seen without one.

For 55 years I tried to live the way others wanted me to and for most of my adult life I was on anti-depressants. Less than six months ago, I was literally within hours of ending my life. Now there are days that I am so frigging happy that it’s scary. Can this be that same girl?

I have been asked to do a presentation at my church for the Adult Forum (sort a free-form Sunday school). The TG 101 part is not hard because I’ve done that part before for other groups. The second part of the talk is supposed to be about how my gender journey and faith journey are inextricably intertwined. In my mind I knew they were but as I tried to write it down and make it coherent, I found it very difficult.

Suddenly today (Easter Sunday) God hit me over the head with a 2x4 (again). For me, it’s not a gender journey. I am simply becoming the woman God made me to be. My faith journey is simply unleashing what it is that I have always been.

“Let him who has ears hear.” It is obvious to me from the occurrences over the last two years that God doesn’t give us our “ears” all at once. Things that are in the Bible simply do not make sense or sink into our consciousness all at once.

The United Church of Christ (UCC) has a motto, “God still speaking.” But I swear that not only is He still speaking, but He is still writing the Bible. Verses and stories that are there today were not there a year ago. Why do I seem to be the only one who notices this?

So who is going to educate them? We sure can't count on the government for that. And, sadly, we can't count on the gay community either. As Barney Frank stated, "More education is needed." Did women wait for some open-minded men to educate other men that women were worthy of participating in society? Did blacks wait for open-minded whites? Those of us who are out have to do this, even if it means giving up our desire to go stealth.