Comparing Ourselves to Others

I was recently shocked at one T-girl who compared herself to another T-girl. Now you have to understand that the first one is the one who served as the inspiration for my writing, "Aren't You Supposed to Try?"

This "girl" (perhaps I might use "gurl") uses no makeup; I've never seen her in anything remotely called feminine attire; and she doesn't seem to divest herself of masculine body movements. The second one does all of those things – she does "try."

These two girls share a common service. The first one was getting done one day and told the server, "She hardly ever speaks to me and I think it's because I am so much prettier than she is." I nearly barfed (pardon the masculine term) when I heard this.

First of all this is clearly evidence of her being out of touch with reality. Way out of touch!

Second, comparing ourselves to each other, or even a GG, is really not a great idea. This is based on some unwritten ideal of beauty and ignores the concept of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

I once wrote, "Look into the mirror. That is the person who most needs to confirm your beauty - and is most qualified to do so." It is important to compare yourself to what you think is beautiful – and even more important to find yourself measuring up to it.

But when you start looking outside yourself you just are not qualified. The only one who is qualified to judge your beauty in the world is a potential suitor. I will assume, simply for purposes of writing ease, that you are interested in men. It is the man's responsibility to decide if you look like what he's searching for.

Each man is different. Some like tall, some short; some like blondes, some brunettes. My nephew, for example prefers women "with more meat on their bones." (BTW, I know a lesbian with the same preference.) You are just not able to make that decision for someone else, nor should you.

Don't bother to measure yourself by others; you will always fail. Even super-models and beauty queens fall into this trap.
Do your best to be yourself. If you're a girl, be the girl you want to be. Fix the things you find lacking on whatever scale you care to use. Then find yourself to be that person.