Nancy Wichmann

Did you ever stop and realize that some of the things you commonly say are not really what you mean even though they are generally understood? A very common example of this is when you say "I don't think…" when what you really mean is "I [do] think … not …" For example, "I don't think Nancy is an ugly woman" really should be "I think Nancy is not an ugly woman."

What brought this on? Well, the other day, I told my sister "I love being a girl." She corrected me, without realizing it, by saying "You love being you." Well, duh!

This sort of melds with another thought I had when I read a newspaper editorial that was written by someone I'd like to smack upside the head with his own writing. He wrote about someone who was "wearing a mask" to disguise his public appearance (we are talking about an unpopular political activist). In the editorial, the author decried this practice, basically saying, if you can't be open, what's the point?

Yet, this same author, and his wife, has tried to deny me the opportunity to remove my mask in their presence.

All my life, I've had to wear a mask and pretend to be what I'm not: a man. Many people have noticed this in me and even talked a bit about it. Yet there is still incredible pressure for me to fulfill a role in society for which I am totally unfit rather than to adopt the role in which I am far more comfortable. And all of this is because of what I have come to see as a birth defect.

Why must people insist on their own comfortable [mis]understanding at the expense of my acceptance of myself? Psychologists have a rule that explains much of this: "If I do something, there is a good reason; if you do it, it is because of a character flaw." While each of us prefers our own comfort or way of doing things, we see others as having a character defect if they wish the same for themselves.

What can we do about this? Not really all that much; this is human nature. The only counter-measure is knowledge – education. We must explain our thoughts and beliefs so that they have some inkling of why we are the way we are. Once those people have heard it often enough, they begin to see it less as a character flaw and more as a fact of nature.

But it is also prudent to "pick your battles." Some people are clearly not going to be swayed until someone else is swayed first. These people are unwilling to think for themselves. Arguing with those people is just not going to work – you have to go for the people who tell them what to think.

One great example is found in the "religious" community. Many people do, or think, only what their pastor tells them; they do not read the Bible for themselves and come to their own beliefs based on that. Unfortunately, their pastors often do exactly the same, so a current belief is often based on a generations-old idea that may have been malformed to begin with. The key to fighting this battle is to find those from whom the idea originates and who may be willing to rethink the idea.

This is not easy, nor is it quick. But it is necessary for our own survival.

"I'd rather have a dead brother than a living sister" is not acceptable, yet often forced upon us. Taking one's own life is not uncommon in the transgender community; I'd be very surprised to find one of us who has not at least had those thoughts. But if you do, "they" win. I choose to not let them win.

So let me just go on record as saying, "I enjoy being a girl, and I love being me, even if you choose not to try to understand it."