Transition

My friend Brooke saw a picture of me and wrote to tell me that my hair looked "so Boston." I know she meant it as a compliment, but one thing I noticed early on in being here, is that the bulk of women in Boston have no sense of style whatsoever. So, with apologies to Brooke, this is almost an insult to me. It is a clear wakeup that I need to spend more time with my curling iron.

It is just about two years exactly (I think less a week) since I moved to Charlotte. I was in that apartment about 16 months. I never put up any pictures (I did put up a mirror), never hooked up my stereo. Basically I did no decorating to speak of.

I didn't write about it at the time, but two weeks ago I washed my curly blonde wig (it was overdue) and couldn't get it to come back. So I did some searching and found a salon just a couple blocks from my church and easy to get to.

When I went in, I gave the woman the opportunity to not deal with a transgender. She was happy to deal with me. It turns out that they even have a private room in the basement for wig customers who don't want to be seen without one.

For 55 years I tried to live the way others wanted me to and for most of my adult life I was on anti-depressants. Less than six months ago, I was literally within hours of ending my life. Now there are days that I am so frigging happy that it’s scary. Can this be that same girl?

I have been asked to do a presentation at my church for the Adult Forum (sort a free-form Sunday school). The TG 101 part is not hard because I’ve done that part before for other groups. The second part of the talk is supposed to be about how my gender journey and faith journey are inextricably intertwined. In my mind I knew they were but as I tried to write it down and make it coherent, I found it very difficult.

Suddenly today (Easter Sunday) God hit me over the head with a 2x4 (again). For me, it’s not a gender journey. I am simply becoming the woman God made me to be. My faith journey is simply unleashing what it is that I have always been.

So who is going to educate them? We sure can't count on the government for that. And, sadly, we can't count on the gay community either. As Barney Frank stated, "More education is needed." Did women wait for some open-minded men to educate other men that women were worthy of participating in society? Did blacks wait for open-minded whites? Those of us who are out have to do this, even if it means giving up our desire to go stealth.

I am transsexual (which is part of "transgender"). Whether you want to say I identify as TS is probably a matter of semantics. What I am does not define who I am. Personally, I identify as a woman; I present as a woman, I work as a woman, I make friends as a woman.

As I walk around my office, I am being ignored. Some people may think being ignored is not good. But for a t-girl who just wants to be "normal," or to "blend in," this is the perfect situation.

Here I am just another woman at work. I walk on and off teh elevator just like any other. I use the bathroom like any other (no, there is no dreadead bathroom issue here). I get coffee like any other.

How fabulous to be ignored!

I'm coming up on my 5th anniversary of my transition. It has been interesting coming here though. In Charlotte I worked for myself at home. Even though I only wore womens clothes and interacted with people as a woman, somehow going to an office every day and being fully accepted as me, without any mention of my past, was almost like transitioning all over again.

I have also been going to the Tiffany Club and, by contrast, think I am beginning to understand the "transsexual-leaving-the-GLBT-community-behind" phenomenon.